April 10, 2011
Power of Community
- John 11:1-45
- Dr. Teri Thomas
In the year 2010 twenty members of Northminster died.
In the first 3 1/2 months of 2011 we have had 17 funerals.
When you walk with folks through their final days,
when you deal with grieving spouses, children, and families,
when you answer questions and offer suggestions that many times,
you cannot help but learn a few things and reach a few conclusions.
This morning's Gospel lesson confirms some of what I have come to believe.
I believe we often wait too long to think about our own death.
Lazarus was sick. Very sick.
His sisters were afraid so they sent word for Jesus to come.
He was just two miles away in Jerusalem.
Close enough for a house call.
Really close if your dear friend is dying!
But Jesus waited and by the time he arrived Lazarus was dead.
Now Jesus obviously had his reasons for doing that.
So do we.
We wait to give up our homes and our independence.
How many times have I heard someone say-
We will move to the Forum, or Marquette or Westminster when we need to.
By the time they need to, it is too late.
I have never heard anyone say they moved into a retirement community too soon.
We wait to begin hospice care.
We don't want to take away someone's hope of recovery or will to live.
We do not want to give up.
Hospice doesn't mean we are giving up.
It means we are acknowledging that we all die sometime.
It means we want our loved one to have the time and the support to die with dignity, peacefully, without pain.
We wait to say what is really important.
How many times have I stood at a death bed as family members cry
and apologize to a lifeless body for what they never got around to saying,
apologies they never verbalized,
love they never expressed,
thanks they never uttered.
If you were to die on your way home today
what have you left unsaid?
Is there some regret?
Who would you want to embrace?
Is there a letter you wish you had written?
The reality is that death happens. It is part of life. It will happen to all of us.
I believe we should not wait to prepare for our death.
I also believe that when death does come, we all mourn in different ways.
In today's lesson Martha goes out to meet Jesus when he finally arrives.
She lets him have it.
It is your fault Jesus! You let him die!
You need to fix this.
Then she ran back to the house and told Mary what to do.
Martha took charge and bossed everyone around.
That was her way of mourning.
Mary stayed at home.
She sat and cried.
She cried and prayed with the other mourners who had come.
There is really nothing to say when death comes,
but there's oceans of pain to feel.
That was her way of mourning.
Jesus stayed away until after Lazarus had died.
He came late.
He didn't tell Mary and Martha to quit whining and move on.
He cried.
We all mourn in different ways.
We all experience the hurt and the loss differently.
We all express our grief in our own way.
Some families are pulled together by grief and others are torn apart.
The question I am asked more often than any other by grieving family or friends is-
Is this normal?
Is it right to want to do this?
Is it OK to feel this way?
I believe the answer is YES.
What you feel is normal for you.
The way you grieve is right for you.
Another thing my experience has led me to believe
is that resurrection is the work of God
but getting folks out of the tomb is our job.
When Jesus arrived at the tomb he did not move the stone.
He told the community gathered there to do it.
And when Lazarus came out of the tomb,
Jesus did not unwrap him and unbind him.
He told the family and the friends to do that as well.
In times past- and still today in many cultures
there were visible symbols for those who were mourning.
Widows or widowers wore black or wore arm bands.
There was some way to indentify people as grieving.
It was a way to say-
this person is vulnerable right now
this person needs special care
this person is healing and it takes time
While we no longer use those identifiers-
we as the community still need to offer that special care
that extra attention
the gentle touch and silent hug.
In our culture we are expected to go to a funeral one day and go back to work the next.
We all act like nothing happened.
But something did happen.
Something life changing.
The community needs to be there to listen.
What was it like?
How do you feel?
What do you miss?
We do not have to fix it.
We do not need to have any answers.
We just need to be willing to listen to the questions.
Caring communities- like ours- can help the mourner leave the tomb.
We offer care and support until they can again walk alone.
We help remove the grave clothes of self-doubt and social isolation.
We tear away the wraps of fear and anxiety and loss.
God will raise the dead.
But we need to help the living come out of the tomb of sorrow and grief.
These are things I have come to believe in my ministry.
1. We wait too long.
2. We all mourn differently.
3. The community is so important to those who mourn.
But the strongest belief I hold-
the truth I know with all my heart-
is that in the end
there are many things worse than death.
Jesus said to Martha-
I am the resurrection and the life.
Those who believe in me, even though they die, will live,
and everyone who lives and believes in me will never die.
Jesus asked- Do you believe this?
Martha said- Yes, Lord, I believe.
I say- Yes Lord, I believe.
Jesus asks- Do you believe this?